Here is some seasonal silliness.
Some of these rhymes I made up this morning,
others over the years.
Making Room for the Christmas Tree
Christmas tree behind settee.
Pines down spines
as watch TV.
Presenting my Plum Pudding
Set my plum pud on the table.
Now to set alight – if I’m able.
Strike a flame, but nowt will come -
except for pain and one burnt thumb.
Count to three and have another go…
no, not even faintest glow.
Ignite! Ignite! Have another try…
set alight my husband’s tie.
Apply fresh flame…but pud won’t catch.
Would try again, but – last match.
See Amid the Motorway (to be sung)
See amid the winter snow
rows of frozen cars, no-go!
Each of those will need a tow.
Most of them have far to go!
Oh, for global warming true!
Oh, for sun to warm us through!
See amid the winter snow
fridge-locked gridlock fi-as-co!
Wrapping Christmas Parcels
(published in The Poetry Store, Hodder Children’s Books, 2005)
Sello – strip
Sello – spin
Sello -scrumpled – start again
Sello – sticky
Sello – stuck
Sello – sadly slanting, stuck
Sello – scrape off
Sello – scrap
Sello – try for better luck
Sello – smooth
Sello – round
Sello – end cannot be found, except for torn-off slither bit
Sello – slit
Sello – split
Sello – snap
Sello – tear
Sello – slide
Sello – slip
Sello – roll off under chair
Dance of the Penguins (from my book, Wildlife Poems)
What’s in a Card?
“Jollity and seasonal cheer!
(We had a diabolical year.)”
“Sorry to hear you’re in a mess!
Our year’s been a great success!”
“Don’t know how your card seemed to find us…
Don’t know who you are: please remind us.”
“Wishing you a great New Year!
(And wishing you’d reciprocate, dear.)”
“Nice to hear you, to hear you nice,
but you’ve sent us this card twice.”
“Passing through on Christmas Day,
en route to our holiday!
See you for a chat and that -
just me, Pat, kids, dogs and cat.
Perhaps stay night, if that’s alright,
and share your Boxing Day!”
Christmas Kitchen Crisis
veggies are charred,
fat’s gone splat on the floor!
Kitchen’s all steam,
hands are all cream…
and here are the guests at the door!
“Hello!” they all yell,
pressing hard on the bell,
kissing my messy, stressed face.
“Happy Christmas – New Year!”
“Such fun to be here!”
The steam is all over the place.
Everyone chatter-box-chopses non-stop,
swapping their chockies and cards and what-not…
and nobody seems to bother a jot
about the delay
or the ice rink of lard
or the house full of steam
or the turkey still hard
or my arms – butter-creamed
or the veggies all charred
or my fruit basket – blast it! – starting to rot.
They don’t seem to notice I’ve lost the plot -
or that the kitchen is barred.
Nor did they stop to take stock all day,
except of the odd success on display -
just gabbled and giggled
and gobbled and nibbled
and tippled and fizzled and bubbled away,
and I fizzled too – quite forgot my to-do
’til they all stopped to say as they went on their way,
finally, at the end of the day,
after songs and charades and goodness knows what,
“What a wonderful,
“what a wonderful,
“what a wonderful Christmas Day!”
And the food?
Well, at least it was hot.
And finally, an atmospheric cinquain, though included in a ‘funny’ book:
Christmas Baubles (published in Funny Poems for Christmas, Scholastic, 2005)
hanging, hovering, quivering
reflectors of tiny glinting tints
More Christmas poems on other pages, and on previous post.
(PS: All poems here are by me, i.e. copyright: Kate Williams.
If you wish to publish/re-publish any, please contact me first – thanks!)